Post by dunbnwild on Mar 12, 2010 17:05:43 GMT -5
**funny from another horsey list:
Dear Horse (author unknown)
I love you very much, and I truly cherish your presence in my life. I would
never wish to criticize you in any way. However, there are a few trivial details
regarding our relationship that I think might bear your consideration.
Please remember that I work long and hard to earn the money to keep you in the
style to which you have become accustomed. In return, I think you should at
least pretend to be glad to see me, even when I'm carrying a bridle instead of a
bucket of feed.
I understand I cannot expect you to cover your nose when you sneeze, but it
would be appreciated if you did not inhale large amounts of dirt and manure
prior to aiming your sneezes at my face and shirt. Also, if you have recently
filled your mouth with water you do not intend to drink, please let it all
dribble from your mouth BEFORE you put your head on my shoulder. In addition,
while I know you despise your worming medication, my intentions in giving it to
you are good, and I really do not think I should be rewarded by having you spit
half of it back out onto my shirt.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you are confused about the appropriate roles
you should play in various situations. One small bit of advice:
Your stone-wall imitation should be used when I am mounting and your
speed-walker imitation when I suggest that we proceed on our way, not vice
versa.
Please also understand that jumping is meant to be a mutual endeavor. By
"mutual", I mean that we are supposed to go over the jump together. You were
purchased to be a mount, not a catapult.
I know the world is a scary place when your eyes are on the sides of your head,
but I did spend a significant amount of money to buy you, and I have every
intention of protecting that investment.
Therefore, please consider the following when you are choosing the appropriate
behavior for a particular situation:
When I put your halter on you, attach one end of a lead rope to the halter, and
tie the other end of the lead rope to a post or ring or whatever, I am
indicating a desire for you to remain in that locale. I would also like the
halter, lead rope, post, etc., to remain intact.
While I admit that things like sudden loud noises can be startling, I do not
consider them to be acceptable excuses for repeatedly snapping expensive new
lead ropes (or halters or posts) so that you can run madly around the yard
creating havoc in your wake. Such behavior is not conducive to achieving that
important goal that I know we both share --- decreasing the number of times the
veterinarian comes out to visit you.
I assure you that blowing pieces of paper do not eat horses. While I realize you
are very athletic, I do not need a demonstration of your ability to jump 25 feet
sideways from a standing start while swapping ends in midair, nor am I
interested in your ability to emulate both a racehorse and a bucking bronco
while escaping said piece of paper. Also, if the paper were truly a danger, it
would be the height of unkindness to dump me on the ground in front of it as a
sacrificial offering to expedite your escape.
When I ask you to cross a small stream, you may safely assume that said stream
does not contain crocodiles, sharks, or piranhas, nor will it be likely to drown
you. (I have actually seen horses swimming, so I know it can be done.) I expect
you to be prepared to comply with the occasional request to wade across some
small body of water. Since I would like to be dry when we reach the other side
of the stream, deciding to roll when we're halfway across is not encouraged
behavior.
I give you my solemn oath that the trailer is nothing but an alternate means of
transportation for distances too long for walking. It is not a lion's den or a
dragon's maw, nor will it magically transform into such. It is made for horses,
and I promise you that you will indeed fit into your assigned space. Please also
bear in mind that I generally operate on a schedule, and wherever we're going, I
would really like to get there today.
For the last time, I do not intend to abandon you to a barren, friendless
existence. If I put you in a turn-out paddock, I promise that no predators will
eat you, and I will come back in due time to return you to your stable. It is
not necessary to run in circles, whinny pathetically, threaten to jump the
fence, or paw at the gate. Neither your stable mates nor I will have left the
premises. The other horses standing peacefully in adjacent paddocks amply
demonstrate that it is possible to enjoy being turned out for exercise.
Finally, in closing, my strong and gentle companion, I would like to point out
that, whatever might happen between horses and their people, we humans will
always love you. In fact, our bonds with you help create new bonds among
ourselves, even with total strangers. Wherever there are horses, there will be
"horse people", and for the blessings you bestow upon us, we thank you.
Most sincerely yours,
Your Adoring Owner
Dear Horse (author unknown)
I love you very much, and I truly cherish your presence in my life. I would
never wish to criticize you in any way. However, there are a few trivial details
regarding our relationship that I think might bear your consideration.
Please remember that I work long and hard to earn the money to keep you in the
style to which you have become accustomed. In return, I think you should at
least pretend to be glad to see me, even when I'm carrying a bridle instead of a
bucket of feed.
I understand I cannot expect you to cover your nose when you sneeze, but it
would be appreciated if you did not inhale large amounts of dirt and manure
prior to aiming your sneezes at my face and shirt. Also, if you have recently
filled your mouth with water you do not intend to drink, please let it all
dribble from your mouth BEFORE you put your head on my shoulder. In addition,
while I know you despise your worming medication, my intentions in giving it to
you are good, and I really do not think I should be rewarded by having you spit
half of it back out onto my shirt.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you are confused about the appropriate roles
you should play in various situations. One small bit of advice:
Your stone-wall imitation should be used when I am mounting and your
speed-walker imitation when I suggest that we proceed on our way, not vice
versa.
Please also understand that jumping is meant to be a mutual endeavor. By
"mutual", I mean that we are supposed to go over the jump together. You were
purchased to be a mount, not a catapult.
I know the world is a scary place when your eyes are on the sides of your head,
but I did spend a significant amount of money to buy you, and I have every
intention of protecting that investment.
Therefore, please consider the following when you are choosing the appropriate
behavior for a particular situation:
When I put your halter on you, attach one end of a lead rope to the halter, and
tie the other end of the lead rope to a post or ring or whatever, I am
indicating a desire for you to remain in that locale. I would also like the
halter, lead rope, post, etc., to remain intact.
While I admit that things like sudden loud noises can be startling, I do not
consider them to be acceptable excuses for repeatedly snapping expensive new
lead ropes (or halters or posts) so that you can run madly around the yard
creating havoc in your wake. Such behavior is not conducive to achieving that
important goal that I know we both share --- decreasing the number of times the
veterinarian comes out to visit you.
I assure you that blowing pieces of paper do not eat horses. While I realize you
are very athletic, I do not need a demonstration of your ability to jump 25 feet
sideways from a standing start while swapping ends in midair, nor am I
interested in your ability to emulate both a racehorse and a bucking bronco
while escaping said piece of paper. Also, if the paper were truly a danger, it
would be the height of unkindness to dump me on the ground in front of it as a
sacrificial offering to expedite your escape.
When I ask you to cross a small stream, you may safely assume that said stream
does not contain crocodiles, sharks, or piranhas, nor will it be likely to drown
you. (I have actually seen horses swimming, so I know it can be done.) I expect
you to be prepared to comply with the occasional request to wade across some
small body of water. Since I would like to be dry when we reach the other side
of the stream, deciding to roll when we're halfway across is not encouraged
behavior.
I give you my solemn oath that the trailer is nothing but an alternate means of
transportation for distances too long for walking. It is not a lion's den or a
dragon's maw, nor will it magically transform into such. It is made for horses,
and I promise you that you will indeed fit into your assigned space. Please also
bear in mind that I generally operate on a schedule, and wherever we're going, I
would really like to get there today.
For the last time, I do not intend to abandon you to a barren, friendless
existence. If I put you in a turn-out paddock, I promise that no predators will
eat you, and I will come back in due time to return you to your stable. It is
not necessary to run in circles, whinny pathetically, threaten to jump the
fence, or paw at the gate. Neither your stable mates nor I will have left the
premises. The other horses standing peacefully in adjacent paddocks amply
demonstrate that it is possible to enjoy being turned out for exercise.
Finally, in closing, my strong and gentle companion, I would like to point out
that, whatever might happen between horses and their people, we humans will
always love you. In fact, our bonds with you help create new bonds among
ourselves, even with total strangers. Wherever there are horses, there will be
"horse people", and for the blessings you bestow upon us, we thank you.
Most sincerely yours,
Your Adoring Owner
